Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This is the prime rib incident all over again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
