so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
