Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
