She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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