So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sober January is a disaster.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize