R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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