I faked an abortion last night.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
