What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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