her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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