after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize