I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
