i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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