i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
