I'm going to jail i love you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
