Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
