saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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