Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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