Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
