haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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