Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
