Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
