I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
