Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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