Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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