New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize