after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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