Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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