i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
