never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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