i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
