I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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