wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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