Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Couch. On fire.
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