Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
