Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
