i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you had me at cake vodka
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
