I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
