he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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