so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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