That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
