I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
