if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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