party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
