ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
