speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We have started to decorate penises.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
