Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
