I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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