I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
