You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
