I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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