I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need water and some morals
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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