i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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