Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
