Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
