It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
