If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
