i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
