You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
