I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
