i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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