you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
