Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my phone needs a breathalizer
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize