I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
