3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
