The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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