five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I looked at my own cervix.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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