You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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