Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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