I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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