Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
