we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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