Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
